So Barak Obambi wants to open a “conversation” on race? Does he now?

Okay, BHO. I got yer conversation.

Riddle me this: How come when I advertise for technicians, I’m lucky to get a black applicant who has completed and graduated high school, and not with a GED? How come for the life of me, I have had six - exactly SIX - black applicants in the last five years who have had one of the minimum certifications I require, A+ or MCP? And how come when I mention this I get mumbles about “Acting white?”

Riddle me that, Batman.

Here’s another conversation opener. I hear all the time about “investing” in the black community. I’m game. Except you don’t want me to open anything in your “community,” even if I employ blacks. You don’t want my business, the surly attitude and half-assed service makes that evident; I mean, jeez, when I ask for something I SEE ON YOUR SHELF, and you tell me you’re out of stock without even looking - whack with the cluebat for me. And you don’t want to do business with me as my customer.

Meet me halfway, here.

Here’s another. Shitcan the fucking hip-hop culture, at least during professional hours, and try to act like a part of the human race. I like punk-rock. I go to punk-rock shows, yet, long haired hippy freak that I am, I pull my hair back and wear a tie. My Goth receptionist leaves the skulls and crap at home. The little Emo guy who builds my systems manages not to write depressing poetry and cut on himself during business hours. The gay salesman I have doesn’t run shrieking and flaming through my building hollering “Faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaabulous!” One of my crew leader is a biker - leaves the colors at home. They don’t use slang and subculture language. So pull up your fucking pants and shelve the Ebonics, what say? I send you out on a call, shake the customer’s hand and ask to see the problem, don’t flash him gang sign, and start “‘Sup, homes, Yo.”

Jesus Christ.

And if you must reserve for yourself the word “Nigger” might I suggest applying it to the ones who might happen to deserve it among your people. Condi Rice and Clarence Thomas would not be them - Mike Tyson, on the other hand, I’d not object to.

And it is ALWAYS inappropriate to lump me in with “Mah Niggaz.” Nig… er … African American, please!

Make “Bitch” and “Ho” appropriate too. Mrs. Freeman, who runs the Deli place is not one. She’s a hard-working Christian woman doing her best with a husband who has had a stroke and has trouble getting out and around to work his trade of housepainting, the only career he knew for 30 years. Show some fucking respect.

If you must use the fucking words, for pity’s sake, let’s stop using them as generic pronouns, hm?

White devils from the moon, 9/11 used to exterminate blacks, AIDS as a white plot - let’s not mince words. Mad as the March Hare. Crackpot is a term I use to denote theories that require more than one miracle to come to pass. The government leaving no trail on this is that one miracle. Having nobody along the line blow the whistle pushes them over the edge.

Jeremiah White, Louis Farrakhan - they’re fucking on crack. Just face it.

“Hymietown?” Jesse Jackson is not a nice person, he’s a fucking anti-semite. Al Sharpton is a liar and huckster. It’s time - no, way past time - to stop making excuses for these fucktards because you share a similar skin tone. And blow me - they’re not fucktards because they are black, they are fucktards becauise they are bad people, period. They’d be fucktards if they were white. And I’ve called enough white people fucktards where you know that is true. And let’s add O.J. Simpson and a whole other list of assbags to the list too.

So many damn accomplished black role models. Why glorify assbaggery? Hunh? It’s time to call a spade a…. okay, bad metaphor.

Yeah, you thought it was funny. Admit it. Fucking laugh on occasion.

Seriously, though. Call them for what they are. You can’t tell me “Blackdom” (whatever the fuck that is) is so desperate for role models that you let anyone in the club.

And here’s one more for you. You want to stop being seen as a collective? Can the groupthink, and brush away the chip. You want to be judged on the content of your character and not the color of your skin? Stop doing it yourself. Stop glorifying hoodlum behavior because they are black, and stop looking at me like I’m fixing to slap the chains on you, break out the whip, and start making you sing spirituals just because I am white. I have more important things to do than plot and scheme to keep you down. It’s just stupid. Dumb as a bag of fucking hair.

I’ll cheerfully denouce the David Dukes of the world, but as soon as I am guilty as him because I am white like him, we’re done here. Period. The point is not open for discussion, capisce?

And the offense-mongering has got to go. My garden spade is my shovel. Niggardly has nothing to do with you, it’s a word of Scandanavian origin meaning “miserly,” tighter than the bark on a damn tree. “The Spook” is a Goth hottie (Different one, but a friend of my receptionist) who is as white as they come and who I am planning to bang. I want my language back - believe me, if I want to cast slurs, aspersions, or otherwise insult you there will be no doubt as to my intent.

I never offend anyone accidentally. And which means I hope self-loathing and guilt ridden white liberals are having coronaries by now.)

There’s your dialogue.

UPDATE:  Bite me, you chickenshit fucktard liberal ass-pirates.  Post it in comments.  I have never deleted one of them, even that Idiot woman from NYC.

Take your “privilege” and stick it up your ass.  My “white privilege” has left my ass broke, arrested, on drugs, bankrupt, and homeless at various points in my life.  Which have been corrected by me not being a stupid son-of-a-bitch, and acting like some redneck punk motherfucker.

I’m an entirely different kind of redneck now.

And I know a whole bunch of college educated, successful, middle class black folks - hell, even - dare I say? - wealthy; primarily because they worked hard to get where the fuck they are, and didn’t do stupid shit.  They didn’t play the victim, whine, piss and moan, or listen to dumbass democrats.  They don’t act “white.”

But they don’t act like a bunch of ghetto punk-ass gangstas, either.